Good job there's a lot of the month left! It might feel a little less shy with a few donations for the prostate cancer charity...
Back to my Resolving to rest and recover now:
Today was the first day I could change my dressing. Not quite sure if there are 3 holes there under the steristrips, there should be. For what appear to be tiny wounds they've made themselves known, but it's what gone on inside that's making a difference eh?
For all I needed and wanted the surgery it's been a toughy for me. The direct physical element is the minor stuff and there's progress there. I can now walk in an uber slow New Orleans Funeral style, get on and off the loo without having to use the bath and sink for support, and even managed to get slowly and gingerly get up stairs with out the bannisters. These efforts are limitted and take there toll but 5 days post op I'm happy how it's going.
It's the spiritual and psycholigical side that's harder. I spent over 3 years or so unable to work, losing a job I loved. Only this Easter I got back into work in a job I love, working with people I enjoy working with. I've been building my health and fitness up, as you'll have seen in this blog, and trying to balance it with adequate recovery, though not always successfully.
I'm now signed off until 22nd November for post op recovery and that was grating. Feelings of guilt about being off work, missing people at work, Clare having to do practically everything plus her work, worries about losing fitness I've recovered, etc...
These first 5 days I've been very non-accepting of the situation, like a kid spitting his dummy out and saying 'it's not fair'. Creating additional suffering with my emotional attitude and wanting to push myself physically.
As a spiritual adult that sort of self-talk doesn't wash and I think watching 'The Big Silence' started to snap me out of it.
So,I'm now resolved to sit with my time for rest and recovery. Do the physio I have to, sit (lay) zazen, and do what comes, be it watching the hens and weather (wild by the way), the odd film, or pick up and instrument for moment.
Just now, I feel the right thing to do is get off here, chant 'The Litany of The Great Compassionate One' and sit.